College today was well, needless to say, interesting. After wards and Orthodontics class (which never really happened), I made my way over to the Prosthodontics department of the Dental College to meet my friend. When I reached there, I saw her sitting with Anjum aapa (aapa being the Urdu term for elder sister which we call our elders in India out of respect.) I sat down next to them only to be questioned if I was Nuzhat’s sister. (Nuzhat is the friend, by the way!) After casually explaining to Anjum aapa that we were just friends and that everybody thought we were sisters, we began to talk.
At first it was just the usual stuff- Things at home, college, the people around us, and the lecturers in the Prosthodontics department who were too full of themselves. And then began the conversation which this particular post is all about- Marriage. The Indian way.
Initially, we poked fun of Nuzhat and persuaded her to get married as she was getting old and won’t find a suitable partner later. Then Anjum aapa started telling us about her marriage- How her husband was nuts about her before they were married (it was an arranged marriage, though), how weird she felt walking and living in a strange house, the obstacles she faced because of the in-laws, the melodrama and the frenzy. Gradually the conversation moved into the aspects of marriage and the expectations one has, which brings me to my say on this topic.
Being a woman is hard. Earlier it was all about what the girl looked like, if she could perform household duties etc. But now is the new age. With every newspaper, we are provided with 5 page long matrimonial section where all we read is this:
“Tall, fair girl. Religious. Graduate and working. Fluent in English. Must be able to manage all household chores, fix tires, go shopping and rid the environment of pollution. Should be able to fly an airplane or at least fly herself.”
Okay, maybe I got a little carried away, but you get my drift.
Consider this- Doctor guy wants doctor girl. She should be working (but not earning more than him. Ego issues.) Also, she should know how to perform every single household chore.
Here’s the thing moron- She took the same 5 years to study as you did. I bet you didn’t waste time learning to cook or clean. How could she? While you were building your life, she was building hers. If it weren’t for the degree, you wouldn’t even marry her. She also studied to pass tests, exams and ultimately have the prefix “Dr.” before her name. What really makes you think that the moment she steps into your house, she’d be able to do everything you ask? Also, she should work. You want her to spend the same time and energy to work in a hospital as you do to earn so that you could split the bills, and still go home to a clean house and a delicious warm meal? Not happening, bro. Not happening.
Women are also human beings. They’re not alien. They tire out, they fall sick, they don’t feel like getting out of bed at times. Like they say, “Women can do everything men can. And they can do it in heels.” At least they’re one step ahead of you- they can give birth. Jeez. Imagine men being pregnant. They’ll probably complain all the time.
Above all that, a woman leaves her family, her home to come and live with you. The least you could do is understand and support her. Instead, you want her to be the chef, the maid, the therapist, the babysitter and also have to listen to your nagging mother and sisters. Nothing makes a woman stronger than a supportive husband. Sad that most people don’t realize this.
Also, dear sweet mothers-in-law, be nice to the girl you claim to love like your own daughter. You’ve been there, you know the feeling. She’s not there to drive your son away from you. Instead, she’s there to make him happy, and give you the satisfaction of being a grandmother. And that’s probably something you pray for, day and night, but don’t drive her nuts over it. It’s the parent’s decision, not yours.
And my sisters, stay strong, for God is with you and hopefully, your husband too. There is no level as high as that of a woman’s, particularly, a mother’s.
“Paradise lies under the feet of mothers.”
Remember this. And please don’t be a bitch unless really necessary. There are evil people out there too.
I hope I didn’t portray any wrong messages through this post. Everything I wrote is merely what I felt.