Impressions

Today’s post is about judgments. How we as people, feel the need to relate everybody’s lives to ours and hold strong biased opinions against them.

Every day, we meet new people. Different people. And before we could stretch our hand out to say hello, we make our “First Impression” of the person. It’s like we paint an image, based on our superficial perspective. If they look good, they’re probably a slut or a player. If they’re quiet, they’re probably full of frat bitch attitude. If they’re outgoing, they’re a flirt. You get my drift.

If you’ve happened to notice, we have five fingers on our hand (unless there’s some alteration) and none of them stand at equal height (Again, unless there’s some alteration). The same way, one person isn’t like the other. All of us have different lives, different personalities, and different problems. Each and every one of us is struggling through something. Some of our lives are painful while some of us are born with a silver spoon in our mouth or gold underwear. There are people with family issues, with peer pressure, with financial instabilities or maybe even severe health problems. Just because we eat good food and sleep well at night doesn’t mean our colleague does too. You never know if they have a personal battle or a war which they fight day and night. You never know if they’re depressed or have suicidal tendencies. You never know how they feel, what they think and how they live. And all that we care about is deciphering them from our selfish perspective.

And when an angel of God does tell us what the problem is, we sit down and discuss it like vultures circling around their prey and call them idiots for doing whatever stupid they’ve done in their life.
Compassion- That is exactly what people lack.
Understanding- That is what they don’t want to offer.
Help- When there’s no understanding, where’s the help?
All that we want is to fulfill our never ending hunger for gossip.

Somebody had once told me that we see others how we see ourselves. So the next time you go around pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

“Family”

Family.
The word gives a warm vibe, doesn’t it? To most of us, yes it does. But to some, it’s the most dreaded word one can come across.

 Usually, when we face problems in the world, we turn to family. When words fall short, our families are there to complete our sentences. When we need that extra push, we have our family behind us. When we fall, our family is there to help us up.
But not all of us are that lucky.

For some, families are the worst thing that ever happened. They’re the reason for our pain, our anguish and our worst fears. The reason we have failed relationships, self-mutilating tendencies and fallouts in life. The reason we cry ourselves to sleep every night in hope that one day we’ll be out of here. The reason we pray hard to the Lord to give us better futures and nicer people to deal with. The reason we’re human, even though we’re broken.

Certain people tend to think that we like declaring ourselves the victims. Shame on them. What do they know? Do they know what it’s like to have no value, no respect and absolutely no importance? Do be a part of a family, but not really be a part of it? To be just another name in the family tree, a way to keep the generation alive?  They don’t even go through a part of what we do.

The most unfortunate thing to ever happen to a parent is their child hating them with every fiber in their body. I can’t even begin to imagine how that must feel. Unfortunately, some parents can hardly give a crap about that.

Of course if it weren’t for our parents, we wouldn’t be in this world. But then again, nobody needs the pain coming from family itself. And yes, without them we wouldn’t be having a roof over our heads, good food to eat and clean clothes to wear. But certain things stretch beyond materialism.  And NOTHING is more important than that.

You see, it’s not about hating your parents or your family. It’s about being so scarred due to their behavior and attitude towards you that you don’t want to love them or call them yours. It’s about their partiality, their poor sense of judgment and constant soul-crushing criticism. It’s about them not wanting to listen to your side of the story. Overall, it’s about them not accepting you the way you are.

“I should’ve killed you when you were a kid.”
These lines, even in humor, are highly unacceptable. And the wounds that are born never heal. And in your head, you question them- “WHY didn’t you do it? Why go through the pain of bringing us up, only to complain?”

It is easier to accept your parent’s yelling when you’re at fault. Nobody wants to be blamed for something they haven’t done. For example; stealing from your own home. Sadly, parents do that. What parent does that? It’s disgusting to even think that your child is secretly “borrowing” money. Forget that. What’s worse is that your own siblings will do anything to get to you, including lie their asses off.

The kind of people I’ve seen in my life, the kind of people I’ve been with, it’s just painful to know that people like them exist. Wonder how they’re going to bring up their own families and face the world.

Here is something that I tell myself every time I come across such behavior: A person sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog.

“When all else fails, there’s family.”
Bullshit.

Marriage. The Indian Way.

College today was well, needless to say, interesting. After wards and Orthodontics class (which never really happened), I made my way over to the Prosthodontics department of the Dental College to meet my friend. When I reached there, I saw her sitting with Anjum aapa (aapa being the Urdu term for elder sister which we call our elders in India out of respect.) I sat down next to them only to be questioned if I was Nuzhat’s sister. (Nuzhat is the friend, by the way!) After casually explaining to Anjum aapa that we were just friends and that everybody thought we were sisters, we began to talk.

At first it was just the usual stuff- Things at home, college, the people around us, and the lecturers in the Prosthodontics department who were too full of themselves. And then began the conversation which this particular post is all about- Marriage. The Indian way.

Initially, we poked fun of Nuzhat and persuaded her to get married as she was getting old and won’t find a suitable partner later. Then Anjum aapa started telling us about her marriage- How her husband was nuts about her before they were married (it was an arranged marriage, though), how weird she felt walking and living in a strange house, the obstacles she faced because of the in-laws, the melodrama and the frenzy. Gradually the conversation moved into the aspects of marriage and the expectations one has, which brings me to my say on this topic.

Being a woman is hard. Earlier it was all about what the girl looked like, if she could perform household duties etc. But now is the new age. With every newspaper, we are provided with 5 page long matrimonial section where all we read is this:
“Tall, fair girl. Religious. Graduate and working. Fluent in English. Must be able to manage all household chores, fix tires, go shopping and rid the environment of pollution. Should be able to fly an airplane or at least fly herself.”
Okay, maybe I got a little carried away, but you get my drift.

Consider this- Doctor guy wants doctor girl. She should be working (but not earning more than him. Ego issues.) Also, she should know how to perform every single household chore.
Here’s the thing moron- She took the same 5 years to study as you did. I bet you didn’t waste time learning to cook or clean. How could she? While you were building your life, she was building hers. If it weren’t for the degree, you wouldn’t even marry her. She also studied to pass tests, exams and ultimately have the prefix “Dr.” before her name. What really makes you think that the moment she steps into your house, she’d be able to do everything you ask? Also, she should work. You want her to spend the same time and energy to work in a hospital as you do to earn so that you could split the bills, and still go home to a clean house and a delicious warm meal? Not happening, bro. Not happening.

Women are also human beings. They’re not alien. They tire out, they fall sick, they don’t feel like getting out of bed at times. Like they say, “Women can do everything men can. And they can do it in heels.” At least they’re one step ahead of you- they can give birth. Jeez. Imagine men being pregnant. They’ll probably complain all the time.

Above all that, a woman leaves her family, her home to come and live with you. The least you could do is understand and support her. Instead, you want her to be the chef, the maid, the therapist, the babysitter and also have to listen to your nagging mother and sisters. Nothing makes a woman stronger than a supportive husband. Sad that most people don’t realize this.

Also, dear sweet mothers-in-law, be nice to the girl you claim to love like your own daughter. You’ve been there, you know the feeling. She’s not there to drive your son away from you. Instead, she’s there to make him happy, and give you the satisfaction of being a grandmother. And that’s probably something you pray for, day and night, but don’t drive her nuts over it. It’s the parent’s decision, not yours.

And my sisters, stay strong, for God is with you and hopefully, your husband too. There is no level as high as that of a woman’s, particularly, a mother’s.
“Paradise lies under the feet of mothers.”
Remember this. And please don’t be a bitch unless really necessary. There are evil people out there too.

I hope I didn’t portray any wrong messages through this post. Everything I wrote is merely what I felt.
Peace.

There You Go

I never understood how people can be so shallow. How it’s so easy for them to spread lies and unknowingly ruin a person’s life.

The irony of the situation is that every time the freedom-rich media poses doubts regarding a person’s life, we get so infuriated even though we play a humongous role in character assassinations every day. We only see what is on the surface and fail to look beneath. We are so caught up in our own “self-perfection” that we point our manicured fingers at every step in other’s lives and criticize and judge them for it.

Here’s a thought-
How would we feel if somebody started hypothesizing the reasons for our actions and shoved them onto our faces with no regard for our feelings whatsoever.
I think we all know how we’d feel.

So how about giving people a break, huh?