30th May 2014

I was in pain.

I knew it was our last day together, for at-least until the next year. And all of my insides hurt. I had spent the most wonderful 5 months with this man, and realizing that he won’t be by my side for the next 365 days was too much to comprehend.

When he hugged me goodbye, I didn’t let go. I couldn’t. I kept on running my hands on his back, trying to grasp the physicality of this moment. We had gotten so close in the last couple of months, and all of it was going to disappear, with him. I just wished I could’ve done something to stop him from leaving.

But I knew I couldn’t.

I knew this was the moment I HAD to experience.

But the moment would come so fast, who knew?

I would let go, and hug again.

And again.

And again.

I was obviously crying. The pain was too much. My soul wrenched. My heart ached. I didn’t want this.

After so long, I knew what happiness was. And I wanted to hold on to it as hard as I could.

A part of me felt if I let go, I’d lose it all.

435 days later. And with him still not next to me, I understand that I was wrong.

I’m still waiting. And I’m still happy.