As A Matter Of Fact

Imagine a girl.

Now imagine a group of guys.

Imagine the girl passing by these guys.

I don’t need to tell you the next situation, do I?

A while passes by, and the girl and one of the guys in the group are dating.

Fate happens and they break up.

Now. Another guy from the same group approaches the girl to console her, to ‘talk it out’. He charms her, and tells the girl that he had ‘liked’ her since day 1. After getting over her initial jhatka, the girl and the second guy start going out.

The second guy goes back to his circle and starts telling his friends about how he managed to patao the girl. And they all laugh about it, and talk about how the girl lacks moral character. And ofcourse, the group still has the first guy in it cuz ‘bros before hoes’, right?

And but of course, they discuss about how another guy from the group will date her once the second one dumps her.

And SHE’S the one without character? Absolutely.

Character. I hate this word.

Despise.

Loathe.

Abhor.

In our extremely ‘modern’ and ‘culturally rich’ society, we are so quick to judge a person’s character without knowing them inside out. And even if we do, we feel that we have a birth right to taint a person’s soul with crude remarks and incessant gossip.

Our values have been moderated so much that a person’s respect is a joke to us.

Agar hamaari izzat nahin hai toh dusron ki kyun rahe?

People go to universities and colleges to observe, categorize and brand other people. And it is a universal subject- something we never get tired of.

But yeah, a course book or a class totally puts us to sleep, until someone says, uske bare mein pata chala?

WHY do we pride ourselves on being so culturally diverse when we can’t even stand a person who isn’t from the same geographical location as we are? When we look down upon somebody who might be financially weaker than us? When we’re not of the same gender?

WHY is it that when two people break up, the female is the immoral victim and the dude is the one that gets away with it? And let me add the scenario where the guy is fooling around with multiple chicks, it is still that poor chick who is blamed for everything. So much that other girls are asked to refrain from becoming friends with her because wo sahi ladki nahin hai.

Our generation is full of guys who LOVE to gossip and tell tales, sometimes even more than women. WAY WAYYY MORE. They’ll pick a chick from their college or mohalla and gang up against her existence. And then they talk about respect. Fuck-off.

Exactly how much time do you have in your life?

Let me rephrase that-

Exactly how much WORTHLESS time do you have in your life? Apparently, all the time in the world.

And then you’ll run around to fix your attendances, and your grades and your rapidly descending and empty life through jugaad.

Good going, mate. You da real MVP.

0DEEtgkk

I don’t relate to feminism too much because these days, people take it as male-bashing and/or for females to have their clothing/sexual rights.

But I believe we NEED feminism.

Why?

For what I explained above.

For a woman to not have her dignity or her respect taken to the circus.

For a woman to be able to make her mistakes and learn from them. Because that’s what they are- mistakes.

For a woman to be able to walk into her place of education or work without avoiding eye contact with people because of what is being said about her.

For dudes to start respecting women, because clearly, that isn’t the case anymore.


In case you’ve noticed, I haven’t used the term “man” anywhere for the male sex.

Because real men don’t behave erratically.

Because real men don’t indulge in crazy talk.

Because real men respect women.

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The Great Indian Tamasha

Before you start reading this post, there are two things you should keep in mind-

ONE- I don’t need you telling me this is a worldwide issue. I am well aware of that fact. Note that the topic is titled “The Great INDIAN Tamasha”, because due to reasons known only to God, I am an Indian. This topic is related to the entire South East Asia (tragically).

TWO- If you’re the kind of person who gets easily offended on the internet, I’m going to urge you to grab a chair and open a new tab, because you’re probably not going to like what you read. Don’t expect me to respond to your hate comments, because I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with people who can’t respect other’s opinions. On that note, I have nothing against you, reader. This is simply me stating what I believe. And I don’t expect your agreement, no more than your change.

So shall we begin?

Some of you must have figured out the topic of discussion by now. Some of you are still wondering what this shit is all about. So with no further ado, let’s jump right to it, the thing I dread the most- WEDDINGS.

Let’s face it. Indian weddings ARE a tamasha, for lack of better word- the expenditure, the stress that comes along with it, the pre-year preparations and my personal favourite, the people.

Log kya kahenge?

Now. I’m going to break my rant into two parts- the logical rant and the religious one.

Let’s proceed to my logical rant.


So.

For people like me, weddings are a headache- whether somebody else’s or my own. The entire process of deciding on the joda, the jewellery that’s supposed to go with it, and the endless cribbing over nothing working out.

The joda– The wedding attire. Something you’re going to wear for a couple of hours and never wear it again. You’re willing to spend thousands on it, but you have a problem making a donation or giving a beggar 10 rupees.

In my case, me being the sort of person who wants a low key wedding (insha’Allah) or should I say, IF my society lets me, I don’t want to wear a ridiculously pricey outfit. But people have called me crazy for even presenting the idea to them. Why? Because log kya kahenge?

Honestly, I don’t get it. People want me to be uncomfortable in my wedding attire just because it pleases THEIR eyes? What. Even.

I believe that in weddings you should invite the kind of people who will be happy even if you serve them only dates and water. Because these people are there to be a part of your happiness. These people are genuine. These people don’t care if they don’t get to eats kebabs or if the wedding is not flashy. Sadly, these are also the people who, in today’s era, avoid going to too many weddings because of what they have become- a money spending venture.

I have seen people who attend weddings because the host was gracious enough to invite them, and while they fill themselves with biryani, nihari and kebabs, they stand at a distance and say, dulhan kaisi lag rahi hai, taubah!

Ungrateful bastards.

Upon discussion of these issues and the unnecessary rasmein that happen, I was given the exact same answer everybody else gives- Aray shaadi hai. Logon ka bhi dekhna padta hai.
And they’re right, shaadi toh hai, but it’s a not a movie that you MUST please the audience.

Some people state tradition as the answer, which is stupid to begin with.
Sati was a tradition too, remember?


On to the religious rant-

People will create chaos if you go for, what we call, a LOVE marriage. Why? Because religion.
To combat this reason, let me remind you that we are allowed to choose our own spouses.

Now when people like me want a simple, low key affair, I’m rebuked because log kya kahenge?
Where’s your deen now?

I’ve come to understand that these days, religion is okay as long as you’re commenting on somebody else. When it comes upon yourself, you go with “tradition”. Deny it all you want, it’s a fact.

Deen bas doosron ke gharon mein acchi lagti hai.

I don’t understand what the hypocrisy is about.

I’ve also been told because you need to please people (guests at your OWN wedding by doing what THEY like smh) because, God forbid, you might need their help in the future. What is HE for, then? Where’s your belief?

Doing something extreme, although religiously correct, requires a LOT of effort and faces a LOT of negativity. What course of deen was ever easy? Why do we study about our religions, if not to learn from them and apply them in our lives.

I’m not the most Muslim person you’ll meet, but if there is something that I want to do which is Islamically correct, why should I suffer? Why should I be insulted? What’s the point of preaching deen if you don’t want to practice it?

Allah swt has stated-
Blessed is the marriage with the least expenses.

Ofcourse to which I’ve been told, “If you have money, spend it.”
Yes. I WILL spend it.
By feeding the hungry.
By giving it to the poor.
By doing sadaqah.

NOT by inviting hordes of unfamiliar faces who come there for the food and the photographs.

To the people who want to celebrate their wedding in a grand way, this is not a judgmental post for you. By Allah, I hope your weddings are successes and so are your marriages insha’Allah.

But for those of us who don’t want to follow the norms of narrow minded society, please let us enjoy our weddings. If we’re lucky, we’ll have to get married only once insha’Allah and let that one day be the best day of our lives. Let us not be uncomfortable and agitated on the one day that we have the right to call entirely ours. Let us remember that day rather than want to destroy every trace of it. Let us be happy.

Thankyou.

And Good night.

Midnight Banter

Its 1:51 am. I’m doing what probably most of us are at the moment- staying up till suhoor. But as I while the time away going through my (numerous) social media accounts, I start to think about all the people I know, have known before and might know in the future insha’Allah. And what I realise, is, not surprisingly, astonishing to say the least.

Everybody we come across in life has their own story- their own problems, their own successes, their own hopes and dreams, their own failures, their own perfections and their flaws. So why is it that the first thing we do when we come to terms with someone is tag them?

True or false- we all hear stories, we all make judgements, we all assume. Is it fair when we ask the world not to do the same for us?

Why can’t people just be regular, clear, open people? Why can’t friends be friends? Why can’t family be family? Why is it that there is always a drape of pretend? Why do we pressurize ourselves to be different than we really are? Why is it that we are nice to people’s faces but mean behind their backs? Why do we talk about other people when we can talk about ourselves? Why do we hide behind lies when we can face the world with the truth?

How difficult is it to maintain relationships? Why are we so negative? Why is it that one pointless incident or argument causes oceanic rifts between people? Why do we give up on the ones we promised we wouldn’t? Why do we make friends our enemies? Why do we stop talking to each other? Why do we have to prove to the world how happy we are? Why do we feel the need to put on a show?

These questions sound like a lot, but they are what they are- Honest questions. Questions that should be asked- everyday. People are confusing. You never know what somebody is thinking about you. What’s sad is that the person who is sitting at the same table as you are, and is laughing their asses off with you might not be who they present to you. Maybe it’s all a façade. Maybe they’re just wasting time. On the inside, maybe they don’t like you as much. Maybe you’re an option. And this isn’t me exaggerating. This shit is real. This is the kind of shit I, and other people, go through on a daily basis. And you know what kind of people you have in your life when you’re depressed as hell, and you don’t know who to call. That’s when it hits you. That’s when you know.

Over time, you grow out of it- the fake friendships, the pointless people, the unnecessary drama. But unless you have somebody who is there for you through it all, you don’t really feel better, do you? Of course, sometimes we need only our own selves to help us through whatever. But most of the time, you need someone. Accept it or deny, reality will prevail. The pretenders will pretend, the selfish ones will be selfish, the real ones will stay real.

Above all, possibly the most important question that I ask myself right now is,

Why can’t people just be genuine?

Whatev

I Can’t Even.

The students of Aligarh Muslim University are well aware of the “event” that happened on the 12th of April 2015 at the Zakir Hussain College of Engineering and Technology in the midst of their fest, ‘Paradigm’. And correct me if I’m wrong, but the authorities didn’t come forward and nullify the situation, thereby causing a louder uproar by the organizing committee (which obviously comprised of only students.)

It makes me sad that there are people here who have a problem controlling their tharki urges. I mean, really? Do you think passing comments on girls makes you super cool? If the answer to this question is yes, I’m sorry bro, but YOU’VE got a serious problem. 8 unfortunate years in this city, and I have only seen this problem grow. The youngsters, who pride themselves on being a “University Student” and use this to their bullying advantage everywhere have ZERO sense and even negative tameez.

The students of AMU love to throw the word tehzeeb around, particularly when it comes to one and ONLY one thing- socialization of boys and girls. And to top it off, any guesses on who is blamed for all the non tehzeeb-ness? Of course the female sex. The boys who love to fool around and act like immoral idiots are the same ones who put up public statuses on facebook regarding a girl’s “Hijab”. And below, I’d like to state an example which I came across-

“Wearing tight clothes isn’t Hijab
Using bad words isn’t Hijab…”

and something something.

Don’t get me wrong, I DON’T disagree with this. But boys, in the verse of the Quran where Allah has mentioned a woman’s hijab, a verse before, He has spoken about YOUR hijab. You want your wives to be full of modesty, but the last time you lowered your gaze was when you bent down to tie your shoelace. All I’m saying is, no point talking about the wrong in others. Correct yourself first.

On this note, a personal favourite hadith of mine:

“When Prophet Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wa sallam) was travelling on the road with his cousin, Al-Fadl ibn Abbas, a woman stopped him to ask him a question. The woman was very beautiful, and Al-Fadl couldn’t help but stare at her.”*

Seeing this, Prophet Muhammad reached out his hand and turned his cousin’s face away.

”He didn’t tell the woman to cover her face.

He didn’t tell her to change her clothing.

He didn’t tell her that her appearance was too tempting or indecent.

He averted his cousin’s impolite stare instead.“

*Bukhari Volume 8, Book 74, Number 247

Going back to what happened, I can’t believe these same students acted like uncivilized hooligans, causing destruction of college property, owing to losses in the college. It is so tragic that I am a part of such an institution where more than half of the population doesn’t understand the concept of moral behavior- physical or verbal. It pains me to see this happen on an everyday basis. What’s worse is that when the sanctity of our university is questioned, they’ll hold dharnas and demand apologies. Hypocrisy EVERYWHERE.

To be very honest, my dislike for this city kept aside, I worry about the future of this previously prestigious university. With the kind of population that we have coming in, only God knows where we’ll stand a couple of years from now.

And Allah knows best.

There You Go

I never understood how people can be so shallow. How it’s so easy for them to spread lies and unknowingly ruin a person’s life.

The irony of the situation is that every time the freedom-rich media poses doubts regarding a person’s life, we get so infuriated even though we play a humongous role in character assassinations every day. We only see what is on the surface and fail to look beneath. We are so caught up in our own “self-perfection” that we point our manicured fingers at every step in other’s lives and criticize and judge them for it.

Here’s a thought-
How would we feel if somebody started hypothesizing the reasons for our actions and shoved them onto our faces with no regard for our feelings whatsoever.
I think we all know how we’d feel.

So how about giving people a break, huh?